Be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Max Ehrmann "Desiderata" 1927
I am sitting by the open windows of my studio, looking out of the Victorian roofs and treetops of suburban London. All around there is the sound of birdsong and workmen. Normally the sound of a whining circular saw might have annoyed me, but this morning it is giving me so much joy. Our lockdown is easing ever so slowly. People are allowed to work outside. We are all crawling out of our safe burrows and blinking in the bright summer sunshine. Despite the uncertainty, the world is still beautiful: the roses are blooming and the birds are warbling, and we’re all smiling.
At the beginning of this period of isolation I couldn’t figure out why I felt so stymied. I am normally very motivated and organized. But for the first few weeks all I could manage was to eat, sleep and breathe (and look after the homeschooling needs of my highly-driven 5-year-old daughter).
Instead of feeling frustrated, I allowed myself to relax into a new routine without putting too much pressure on myself.
Gradually, as the “new normal” began to feel more comfortable, I was able to include more depth in my day… more drawing, more dreaming, more writing.
What I realized, as I observed my reaction to these changes, is that we all exist on three levels.
Layer one is the necessities: breathing, eating, sleeping. These are the basic building blocks that enable us to live. Most likely, when life is ticking along at a good pace, these are things you do every day without thinking. Unless, that is, you are interrupted by a factor out of your control (like a pandemic), and then level one is the only thing you can manage.
Layer two is the routine everyday chores and actions you do repeatedly. It is all thing things you fill your to-do list with… (and isn’t it funny that your to-do list fills up whether there are 10 lines on your page or 20? I have a theory that any list expands to fit its space, no matter how large or small, which is why I often pick a small piece of paper to write my lists on! But that was a tangent…) Sometimes it is difficult to pull oneself off the treadmill of loads of washing, grocery shopping, random appointments, and general life maintenance.
And then there is my favourite layer… three. This is where the magic lives. This is where we get a few moments each day to focus on those actions that enrich our lives; inspire us. This is taking the perfect photo, piecing together the “just right” patches of fabric into a quilt, putting one word together with another so that they sing, or playing that difficult piece on the piano for the first time through without mistakes.
When something like the coronavirus pandemic flips our lives upside down, we shake down through the layers of existence. We quickly slide out of layer three, we skid through layer two, and land in layer one with a bump and a plume of dust. We look around, surprised, wondering how our lives could have been so precariously balanced in the first place. We breathe. We sleep. We eat. And we stare up through the canyon of existence wondering how we’ll reascend to layer three near the daydreaming clouds.
What I have discovered is that the only way is patience.
It has taken 10 weeks of lockdown for me float up, almost effortlessly, from level one to level three. I had to get comfortable with eating, breathing and sleeping in our new existence. Then I had to figure out how to get laundry soap, groceries, and basic necessities without putting myself or my family in danger (a whole new interpretation of level two). And then, once I felt secure in how to sustain “normal” life, I could rise on an updraft of confidence to level three.
And now I’m daydreaming again. I’m working on my newest book project. I’m doing daily drawings. The sweet juice of creativity is back.
All it takes is patience, time, and the willingness to rediscover life slowly.
I don't know where you are or how lockdown is treating you. I hope you are doing well. I hope you are discovering that there are moments of richness in this “new normal.” I hope you can enjoy both the moment, and the depth of existence at the same time. Please respond and tell me!
Sending the biggest virtual, social-distancing hug I can…
x
Online assembly… The headteacher lead a prayer in which she prayed for all the everyday heroes, the key workers, and all the mommies and daddies at home with their children. It moved me to tears to see my daughter praying so earnestly and innocently. In this time of uncertainty, there is much to give hope. Like the simple faith of a child that everything will be alright.
I have decided that one of my new challenges for this lockdown is to draw people who are currently inspiring me, giving me hope, and making me feel like the world is a beautiful place.
First up is Jill Barber. She is a Canadian singer-songwriter who I discovered via her 2004 album “Oh Heart”. My best friend who was studying at the Nova Scotia College of Art and Design (NSCAD) told me that I just HAD to listen to her. My friend knew me so well! And I have enjoyed following Jill’s career as she blossoms in her musical talent. I especially love all her French jazz! (It makes me feel like my awkward schoolgirl french is actually stylish and chic!) I have her albums on repeat as I work on the final illustrations for my graphic novel.
